This article is about the disappointment and regret I felt in my relationship with my parents, and how I reflected on my own attitudes and tried to rebuild the important relationships with people close to me.
There are situations in life that make even the most self-loving person look bad. I am a proud person, but there have been many times when I felt wrong or regretted my behavior. Some of them were minor regrets, while others felt like I needed to fundamentally change my attitude. These moments sometimes come unexpectedly, and they make you reflect on yourself. I’ve been thinking about what I’ve been most disappointed in myself lately, and rather than pointing to a single incident, I’d like to focus on my attitude as a whole.
I grew up with my parents from a young age until high school. My relationship with my parents has always been close, and because of that, I felt comfortable and secure within my family. When I entered high school, I couldn’t see them for long periods of time, but I still saw them every morning and night, and in those short periods of time, we talked a lot about what was going on at school, both trivial and serious topics, as well as about the future. We talked so much that at the time, I joked that it was a joke that a test taker could talk to his parents so much. It was more than just a conversation, it was an emotional connection based on a deep trust with my parents, and this relationship was very important to me. Then I moved to Seoul for college and lived in a dormitory, and for the first time in my life, I lived away from my parents. Before I moved to Seoul, I thought that it would be hard to see my parents when I lived alone, so I decided to keep in touch with them and go down to Busan, where I have a house, often. However, once I started my university life, I got used to living alone in Seoul, and the promise I made before coming up gradually faded from my mind.
Actually, I didn’t completely lose contact with my parents. There were many times when they texted me first and I texted them back, and there were many times when they called me first and I called them, so I subconsciously thought that I was in constant contact with them. However, as time went on, I became more and more focused on my personal life, and communication with them became less and less important. Then one day, I got a call from my mom. Usually, she would start the call by asking how I was doing, but that day was different. She started the call by asking me why I hadn’t been in touch with her, and then she told me about all the things she felt bad about me since I had moved away from them. I was a little shocked when I realized that I had only ever reached out to my parents once, and even then it was only to ask about travel expenses, and I felt ashamed of myself. I felt ashamed of myself when I realized that the only time I had ever contacted them was to ask about the cost of the trip.
I’m also disappointed in myself that I didn’t contact them first, but even when they did, I felt more annoyed than excited to talk to them. This call made me feel very skeptical about my life away from home. The biggest reason why I was disappointed in myself for not contacting my parents was that until high school, I prided myself on having the strongest relationship with them. If my relationship with my parents hadn’t been so good before college, I wouldn’t have given it this much thought.
In high school, when I would talk to my parents after my nightly self-study sessions, I felt a lot of regret that I couldn’t stay up late to continue the conversation. My parents always expected me to talk to them more when I went to university because I would have more time on my hands. They expected me to have deep conversations over drinks when we met in person, and even when we didn’t meet in person, they wanted me to tell them about what I was going through living alone in Seoul. But when I came to college, I didn’t fulfill their expectations, and I felt like I was a terrible person because the person I had been for so many years had changed so much in just a few months.
Immediately after receiving the phone call from my parents, I was very disappointed in the way I had changed since coming to college. But I soon realized that instead of being disappointed in myself, I just needed to change again. The best thing I can do is to try to fix my flaws when I see them. And I try to fulfill the resolutions I made before coming to college. On special occasions, I call my parents first to tell them about what happened, and even when I have a free day, I call them for no particular reason. Even when my parents came to Seoul recently, I tried to talk to them as much as possible about the things I hadn’t been able to talk about, and I feel much closer to them now than I did before.
This made me realize the importance of maintaining a close relationship not only with my parents but also with other people around me. When I think about it, I realize that my neglect of my parents is because I usually don’t pay much attention to the people around me and lack consideration. In my relationships with other people, I often showed an indifferent attitude and almost lost important relationships because of it. In other words, I think this incident was a partial manifestation of my big shortcomings. From now on, I vowed to pay more attention to others and show that I care about them first. When I recognize my shortcomings, I don’t beat myself up about them and maintain my behavior, but instead, I try to fill in the gaps, and I’m satisfied with myself for being able to fix other things.
