The struggles I went through in high school, preparing for the SATs, running away, and facing reality again, shaped me into the person I am today. It was hard at the time, but looking back, it was meaningful and precious because of the memories and achievements with my friends.
A high school experience most adults in Korea have had
High school is the last year of school before entering the workforce, and it’s a time to review 12 years of studying and work towards the College Entrance Examination. For high school students, they don’t worry about the world, and they don’t imagine the stress or pain of going out into the world, but for many, it’s the most difficult, exhausting, and upsetting time of their lives. It was the same for me. At the time I went through high school, I didn’t think I could do anything as hard again, but now, as a first-year university student, I think it was a less difficult, less lonely, and less stressful time. Sometimes I even find it fun and enjoyable. So sometimes I reminisce about those days and get nostalgic.
When I was in high school, I couldn’t understand the seniors who often came to visit me at school. I wondered if I would ever want to go back to that prison-like school with its ugly red brick walls, but strangely enough, I missed it too. I missed the red brick school buildings, I missed the night sky on the playground when I was having a hard time, I missed the showers with my friends. I also miss the conversations I had with my friends in the dark at night, the spicy chicken and sticky rice we used to eat in my dormitory on my birthday, and the stomach aches the next day. Maybe I feel that way because I was satisfied with what came back to me. Some of my friends who didn’t make it regret those days, but we all agree that they were fun.
The beginning of senior year
There were moments that made me realise that I had reached senior year. When seniors came back from the SATs and talked about their scores, when seniors got accepted to universities and left our boarding school one by one, when the third-year classrooms became empty, when the winter break ended and the classrooms and rooms changed and juniors moved in, I felt like I was really in high school. I would get anxious, worried about my future, and imagine myself after the SATs. When I couldn’t concentrate, I would mutter, ‘Who invented the SAT?’ and ‘Why do we have to spend our youth sitting at a desk?’ and dream of escaping. So I would sneak out to Cheonan with my friends to go to a fish restaurant or run away to a local restaurant in front of the school. When I couldn’t escape, I would play hip-hop music in the club room and sing along, or I would buy a best-selling book and immerse myself in the world of books, forgetting about reality for a while.
However, the responsibility and anxiety of the real world after the escape was over was more than I expected. If I tried to escape again, I would still be a child who hadn’t gained independence from my parents. Eventually, I realised that I couldn’t run away from reality, so I used my brief escape as an opportunity to recharge my batteries and face reality. In this cycle of running away and facing reality, I sat in a chair for a long time during the winter break and studied. To change my life rhythm for the SATs, I got rid of my napping habit and tried to go to bed before 1am. Thinking about my parents, my future, and my dreams, I put in a lot of effort for the SAT, and the winter holidays flew by.
When I got overconfident and bombed the first mock test of my senior year, I thought I was going through the same ordeal that students go through. I was depressed for a few days and felt like all the time I had spent was in vain. At such times, the comfort of my parents was the first thing that came to mind. I would call my parents and complain about my troubles, and their warm words of comfort would instantly calm me down. I realised that their words could easily erase days of wandering, and I found myself not wanting to disappoint them. From that day on, I would write my resolutions and the remaining days on a post-it note every morning to remind myself. This small habit, which I started to make every day count and not have any regrets, helped me in the days leading up to the SATs.
I took the test again, and this time I was back on track, and even managed to score a little higher. From then on, I tried to maintain my study style and lifestyle. I saw my friends around me struggling, but I didn’t let it get to me, and I took the right advice.
The SAT and beyond
Finally, the day of the SATs arrived. My parents, who always came up to visit me every fortnight, came up to visit me the day before the test, stayed overnight, and came out to cheer me on the morning of the test. This reaffirmed my determination to do well. My parents said that I looked very calm compared to my friends because I had been practising mind control to relax and accept the consequences if I failed the SATs.
Once I walked into the examination hall and the test started, I felt very little nervousness, and just like that, the SATs were over, and I felt like I had only taken one mock test, but I was more relaxed than ever. I smiled without thinking, in the arms of my parents, who had been cheering me on all day. But before the answers came out, I was more nervous than the SATs, and both my parents and I were burning up inside. In the end, I got the best score of all my high school exams, and I was accepted into Seoul National University’s School of Medicine. That was the end of my senior year, and I packed up my things and said goodbye to my friends.
My friends who went to KAIST said. ‘Early graduates who haven’t experienced high school are still children,’ they said. Early graduates may have faced their own challenges, but they may not have had the opportunity to grow through the trials and tribulations of high school. I grew from the experience and learnt how to cope with difficulties. Although I spent a ridiculous amount of time behind a desk, I am grateful for the achievements and growth that made me who I am today. I am also grateful to my friends who shared those years with me, and last but not least, to my parents who watched over me.
