As the president of the ocarina club in high school, I struggled with a lack of confidence and leadership and was unable to prevent the club from gradually declining. However, through this experience, I realized the importance of confidence and conviction, and in college, I started a new challenge in the classical guitar club. I realized that recognizing my shortcomings and trying to improve would help me become a better version of myself in the future.
After a hectic first two weeks of high school, it was time to choose clubs. There were many different clubs, such as classical guitar, band, and play, but I joined a club called ‘Ocarina’ because I had experience with the ocarina before entering school. I chose the ocarina from among the various clubs because I had been fascinated by its soft sound since I was a child. Unlike other instruments, this instrument has a simple and pure charm that has always put my mind at ease.
In the class above us, many seniors were interested in the club, and nearly 60 people applied. However, when I joined, not many people applied and there were very few experienced people, so I was the first one to join and naturally became the president of the club. I was many times more timid than I am now, and although I had the confidence to work hard in the club, I didn’t have the confidence to lead the club well. Also, I had little pride in the club and was even a little embarrassed because the ocarina had become an unpopular club in our school.
Naturally, my love for the club diminished, and I procrastinated. Although I managed to practice and complete the school performance, I felt that I was lacking a lot in the process of choosing songs for the performance and distributing roles to other members of the club. I was also too indifferent to activities other than the performance, such as selecting and announcing new members. As a result, the club’s size and pride dwindled, until it all but disappeared under the two horsemen.
At the time, I was desperate to avoid every moment, but looking back on it now, I realize that these behaviors were really ugly and wrong, and I am very sorry and ashamed of them, especially that the seniors had been interested in the club for more than 10 years, and that the effort that the seniors immediately above me put into the performances and the club was so insufficient, and that even as president, I was more ashamed of the club than encouraging the other members to put in effort. At the time, I didn’t really think about the impact of these behaviors on the club as a whole.
Perhaps the biggest reason why I made myself look bad was because I was being led without confidence and conviction. The biggest problem was that I was very conscious of what other people were saying about the club, and this made me feel ashamed of the club. I felt very intimidated whenever the subject of ocarina came up, so my other friends started to make fun of me, and the situation got worse and worse as it was repeated. I think a lot of things could have been improved if I had been more confident. For example, I think that if I had been more proactive in preparing for the performance, I could have asked for help from other friends, and if I had been more confident, I could have done a better job in choosing and assigning the songs for the performance. Also, if I hadn’t been so conscious of what others said that I didn’t show confidence, more new members might have joined, and the club could have continued.
Lack of confidence leads to lack of leadership. It’s very important to be good at what you do, but it’s also important to be able to distribute tasks and lead others through them. People without leadership look bad because they are not able to lead others or change the group, and they are dragged along by other people’s opinions. At the time, I looked bad because I lacked confidence and couldn’t even lead myself, let alone a group. Through that experience, I learned that leadership is not something you are born with, but can be developed through hard work and experience.
Confidence and conviction in your work will be very important in your future job. Being able to analyze a situation and make a sound judgment based on your own analysis and being confident in your judgment is essential for a doctor’s job, so it will be a challenge to overcome. However, in my experience, there is no specific way to overcome a lack of confidence and leadership except to change my own thinking. You can only improve by going through similar things yourself.
Now I’m in college and I’m in a classical guitar club called Arpeggio. Similar to the ocarina, Arpeggio was popular with the upperclassmen, but not so popular with my peers, and the number of members has been halved since the beginning of the semester. After practicing hard for a year, I was entrusted by the seniors with the position of “soloist” for next year’s concert. In addition to the situation within my club, I recently watched another club perform and began to feel embarrassed about my club again. But this time, I hope it won’t be like it was in high school.
Even though I can’t play the guitar well now and I don’t have any pride in it, I will work with the president of the club and other kids to revive the club next year, and I will practice hard so that I won’t be ashamed to play at the concert. I will try to make this my primary goal for change in the future.
I am ugly, but I am still good because I am trying to fix my ugly things. Being aware of my flaws shows me the potential for improvement. In addition, I have strengths in the opposite traits. I lack self-confidence, so I think more than others, even when making the same decision, and I think twice before making a decision. I don’t have many conflicts with others because I’m good at listening to and accepting other people’s opinions in exchange for my own. I’m not good at leading a group, but I’m confident that I’ll do my best to do what I need to do as a member of the group.
As you can see, I have a lot of shortcomings and ugly things, but I also have the opposite side, which is the same for everyone else, so I try to think of my ugly side as a good thing. And I will use my experiences to build a better future. In the process of recognizing and correcting my shortcomings, I am growing little by little, and this process itself means a lot to me.
In the end, it’s how I act and the mindset that matters. I will no longer repeat the mistakes of the past. I will move forward with confidence and conviction, and do my best for myself and my club. This is an important lesson not just for club activities, but for the rest of my life. I believe that these resolutions and efforts will accumulate and one day make me a better person.
