I like myself for the most part, but there are a few things that I lack. My ideal companion would be someone who could fill in my gaps. Along with the qualities I want in a partner, I also want to be a helpful person.
I like myself. That doesn’t mean there aren’t people I want to be like. Some people’s ideas I want to emulate, some people’s fashion sense I want to emulate, some people’s abilities I want to emulate, but I’m still me. I want to develop my own personality and become the person that others want to be like, not the other way around. So in this article, I want to write down my ideal partner.
I want my partner to be someone who can fill in my gaps, so in order to talk about my ideal partner, I need to talk about myself first. I like most things about myself, but there are a few things I don’t particularly like. First, I have a tendency to do the cowardly thing when I encounter a problem and try to avoid it rather than actively solve it. Second, I tend to belittle things I haven’t experienced. Third, I tend to overreact by worrying more than necessary, especially about things I consider to be of some importance. I think this is probably because I’ve sometimes gotten into trouble in the past for not handling things that were important to me. When I have to go somewhere for an appointment, I always keep three or four directions in my head, just in case the bus is late or I miss the subway. Right after the college application process was over, I didn’t sleep for a few days because I was worried that my file was uploaded incorrectly or that there was a computer error. I want the person who joins me to be able to fill these three gaps first.
When things go wrong and I try to avoid it, I want someone who reminds me of how much responsibility I have for it. Of course, by taking responsibility, I may end up rebuking the person, and even if I dislike or rebuke the person in the moment, in hindsight I’m sure I’m grateful to them. When I’m overconfident and belittling an object, I want it to show me where I’m not good enough to handle it and how I need to prepare to make up for it. Finally, when I’m overthinking something of some importance, I want it to calm me down. I want them to be able to convince me that it’s not going to be as bad as I think it is, so that I can relax and go about my business, but not let me get too carried away.
My ideal person may be hard to find. In some ways, the person you want to be with is more of an assistant than a companion. It may seem selfish of me to choose an assistant as my ideal companion. However, the characteristics listed above are idealized, not necessarily what you want in a companion. It’s something you can work out for yourself. I think the reason I listed these characteristics in such detail is because I want a partner who can comfort me. The problems I listed above are largely about my anxiety, and the characteristics I’m looking for in a companion are ways to specifically address those anxieties.
Therefore, the closest person to my desired companion is my high school friend ○○○. He’s the kind of friend who makes me feel comfortable when I’m anxious, and when I talk to him about something I’m anxious about, it’s as if the anxiety is gone. I still remember what she said to me in high school when I was worried and depressed about my grades. ‘If you’re worried about anything, you can always come and talk to me, and even if I can’t solve it, just talking about it will take away a lot of your anxiety.’ She was a great comfort to me, and just having a friend like her gave me a lot of strength.
But relationships can’t be one-sided. As I think about the qualities I want in a companion, I also think about what kind of person I should be to that person. Think about what kind of friend I was to ○○ and how I can be a better friend in the future. I realize that as much as I want someone to fill in the gaps in my life, I should strive to be that person for someone else.
I think about visiting ○○ for the first time in a long time, thanking him for supporting me and comforting me when I’m feeling anxious, and I think about being a better friend to him. This kind of mutually beneficial relationship is the ideal companionship. People shine more brightly when they fill each other’s gaps and support each other. I want to be that person for someone.
