The experience of scolding my younger brother in high school made me think about the nature and purpose of scolding. Whether it is for educational purposes or to relieve the emotions of the person being scolded, it makes me recognize and reflect on the difference between my own standards and those of society.
A few years ago, at this time of year, high school juniors were the so-called “white elephants” who had completed their college entrance exams and had finished their mathematics exams. I was no exception, as I was a high school junior at the time, and my school held shortened classes for those who passed the exams. At that time, high school juniors were time rich, going to school only for formal attendance and having the whole day to themselves. The feeling of freedom from the pressure of exams was indescribable, but the freedom weighed heavily on me.
More time doesn’t always mean a more fulfilling life. Before I took the SATs, I tried to think about what I wanted to do after the test, but it was useless. I spent all my time playing billiards, going to game rooms, and hanging out with my friends, not doing anything productive. I realized that I should have spent more time at home before going to Seoul. I enjoyed meeting up with my friends, but at some point, the repetitive routine became boring.
As I spent more time at home, I started to see things that I couldn’t see before. In particular, I spent a lot of time with my brother, and I started to notice his bad behavior. Among them, the most annoying behavior that I noticed was that he went out to play instead of participating in self-study. This behavior was repeated several times, and each time it was caught by me. Eventually, I scolded him, telling him that it was bad behavior to not participate in self-study. In this situation, I thought I was acting like an adult. I believed that I had to teach my brother the right way.
I scolded my brother. Is scolding really wrong? I think it’s worth discussing. First, we need to understand the causes of scolding. We are scolded by many people in our lives. Most of the time, it”s done in the name of education. Psychological experiments with children have shown that scolding can be effective. We’ve all heard the phrase, “When I scold you, it’s for your own good. It’s a phrase that was often used by parents and teachers, and it’s one that I’ve come to use with my younger brother.
On the other hand, some people argue that scolding is not “for you” but “for me”. When a teacher scolds or punishes a student, he or she claims that he or she is not doing it to make himself or herself feel good, but because he or she wants the student to go the right way, but from the perspective of the student who is being scolded or punished, he or she often feels that the teacher is using the punishment to relieve his or her own stress. In response to this, Professor Kim Kwang-sik of Seoul National University spoke about his experience as a parent and said that when he scolded his children, he scolded them about 80% of the time for his own sake. In other words, ‘for your sake’ is just a false excuse, and corporal punishment is ‘for my sake’. Hearing this perspective made me rethink my own behavior.
To extend the discussion a bit further, we can also talk about what the act of scolding is based on. Scolding is based on the standards of the scolder. The person being scolded has been scolded at some point. This rebuke is based on the standards of the rebuker. When you think about this bite-bite relationship, you realize that scolding is ultimately based on what society deems right. Social standards change with time and culture, and what you think is right now may be considered wrong in the future.
If you put yourself in the shoes of the person who was criticized, you might feel that the criticism was unfair. If your standards are slightly different from society’s standards, you may feel like you’re being punished even though you’re acting according to your own standards. For this reason, scolding may not have the expected effect. One of the most likely outcomes is that you”ll be noticed. The philosopher Lacan said that humans desire the desires of others. Being scolded and watched can change your behavior in the direction of what others want you to do, rather than in the direction of what you want them to do. This phenomenon of adjusting one’s behavior to meet the expectations of others can hinder the growth of the true self.
Therefore, I would like to see the behavior of scolding gradually disappear. I would like to see no more “for me” scolding that is disguised as “for you”. I don’t think it’s right to make someone feel bad if it doesn’t lead them in a positive direction. I think my behavior was wrong, and I am reflecting on it. Tomorrow morning, I will apologize to my brother, and I will try to approach him with understanding and consideration in the future. I hope this will improve our relationship.
