This article discusses the rise of artificial matchmaking in the modern world and the problems that arise from it, emphasizing that free love is more likely to lead to long-term, authentic relationships that emphasize intrinsic values.
Introduction
There’s a Korean proverb that says, “Every shoe has its match. This means that even the most insignificant person has a partner. By this logic, we should be able to meet our mates naturally and easily without spending much time and effort. However, this is often not the case. As a result, most singles rely on their social circle to set them up on blind dates in order to find a partner. However, most of these encounters are short-lived and rarely lead to a long-term relationship. In addition to blind dates, we meet tons of people throughout our lives, but finding the right person is as difficult as finding a needle in a haystack. Even now, many of us may be comforting ourselves in our loneliness by picturing our own “shoes” in our heads.
Why are the number of matchmakers increasing?
Recently, the number of matrimonial agencies has been increasing rapidly in Korea, and TV stations have been producing marriage-related programs. Advertisements for marriage agencies have been appearing in various media outlets such as TV and newspapers, and programs such as ‘Mate’ and ‘We Got Married’ have become very popular on local TV stations. Why are these “matchmaking” programs so popular alongside the rise of matrimonial agencies?
It’s not just that it’s harder to find a partner than it used to be, but it’s one of the many reasons why our society has changed so drastically. South Korea’s compressed growth in the 1970s and 80s led to urbanization and nuclear families, which naturally led to a more individualistic society. Previously, neighbors were mostly related to each other, and there were “neighborhood cousins” who helped each other, worked together, and ate together. Nowadays, we don’t even say hello to our neighbors, they’re just “neighbors”. As a result of these social changes, meeting people is now limited to business or formal relationships, and modern people are finding it increasingly difficult to find a partner of the opposite sex.
In this situation, people create an invisible barrier between themselves and the opposite sex, and pursue idealized values of the opposite sex rather than realistic relationships. Therefore, the media reflects people’s desire for these idealized values and produces ‘matchmaking’ programs, and matrimonial agencies are also becoming popular to satisfy this desire.
In such a social atmosphere, it is perhaps not surprising that people sign up for a matrimonial agency. It’s efficient for subscribers because it saves them the time and money of trying to find a match on their own. Similarly, matchmakers have the advantage of requiring little upfront investment, as they only need to collect membership fees from their subscribers to match them up. However, I feel bitter that as the number of subscribers increases, people are increasingly looking for love based on the other person’s conditions rather than pure love, and pursuing rational love rather than heart. Conditions and efficiency may be important in a capitalist society, but shouldn’t we rethink whether they are appropriate criteria for meeting people?
Artificial dating and free love
Some might argue that free love is no different from arranged relationships because you have to fulfill certain conditions before you can meet someone. At first glance, this may seem plausible, but the “conditions” are of different weight and scope, and the start of the relationship itself is different. A closer look reveals that they are not the same thing at all.
An artificial meeting through a matrimonial agency is a short-term encounter with a person of the opposite sex when a series of conditions are met, such as appearance, education, and wealth. It prioritizes external values rather than internal values such as personhood and authenticity. In contrast, casual relationships can begin even if the conditions that are important in these artificial relationships are not met. Depending on the situation, you may already know these conditions, but you can also gradually get to know the other person as the relationship continues. Of course, there’s no denying that these conditions affect the relationship to some extent, but in a free relationship, they don’t play as important a role as they do in an artificial relationship.
In addition, the relationships that begin in a free relationship are usually emotional and come from the heart, which often leads to a connection that wouldn’t happen in an arranged relationship. For example, in a matchmaking agency, if you don’t meet the ideal conditions, the meeting won’t happen, but in free love, a relationship can start even if those conditions aren’t met. Therefore, even if you become lovers in an artificial match, the relationship will be inherently different from the one that began in a free relationship.
There are many reasons why I prefer free love, but the main one is that it allows you to get to know and understand the other person deeply. Unlike an arranged relationship, a casual relationship allows you to spend a relatively long period of time together, so you can build up memories and get to know the other person’s reactions and behaviors. This allows you to listen to the other person’s true story and understand their inner values, such as values and philosophy, so you can see the real person.
In addition, free love doesn’t depend on certain conditions like artificial relationships, so it’s more likely to continue even if things don’t work out when you first meet. In other words, free relationships are more likely to be long-term and trusting because they are based on the person, not the conditions.
Advantages and disadvantages of matchmakers
Just because I’m in favor of free love doesn’t mean that arranged relationships are always bad. As I mentioned earlier, nothing is more economically efficient than an arranged relationship. The advantage of using a matchmaker is that you can easily meet people of a certain level of quality, and if you don’t like them, you can easily walk away. If you were to find a match on your own, it would take time and money to determine if the person you’re looking for meets your standards. However, a matchmaker can be quite efficient for you because they know what you’re looking for and will do the legwork for you.
However, there are a number of problems with using a matchmaker. Before we get into that, let’s take a look at how matrimonial agencies work to connect people. Each company is slightly different, but in general, when a person joins a matrimonial agency, they are first rated. Your appearance, age, education, wealth, and even your parents’ education, occupation, and wealth are all taken into account. Different factors are weighted differently for men and women, for example, men are more likely to be judged on their education and wealth, while women are more likely to be judged on their appearance. Once you’ve been rated, the company will arrange a set number of matches per month, and you’ll meet several people until you find someone you like.
I agree that it’s a good idea to meet a lot of people before marriage. It’s the only way to find the person you really want. However, the problem with using a matrimonial agency is that you’re limited to a limited range of people who meet certain criteria.
There are also a lot of problems with the ratings they give. It’s hard to justify the idea of giving people ratings. Even in an infinitely competitive society, this is not the Middle Ages, and 2024 is not a class society, so I don’t understand a social system that rates people and recommends love between similarly rated people.
The bigger question is whether we can trust the ratings given by matrimonial agencies. What happens if a subscriber deceives the company, or if the company gives a wrong rating? What happens if a subscriber marries without realizing it, only to find out after the fact that the rating was wrong? We’ve recently heard of couples who met through a matrimonial agency breaking up because of these conditions. I read in the newspaper about a couple who met through a matrimonial agency and divorced shortly after their marriage when the husband’s false conditions were discovered. When people realize after the fact that they’ve been misled, or that the other person’s conditions are wrong, they’ll have a hard time staying in the relationship. They fell in love because of the conditions, so if the conditions are wrong, the love is bound to be wrong.
In addition, these artificial encounters reduce the subscriber’s independence and judgment. Just like studying, work, and dating, you need to work on yourself. No matter how well a teacher teaches you, if you don’t study on your own, the knowledge won’t last long. The same goes for meeting people. If you rely solely on matchmakers, you will not only be less willing to meet people on your own, but you will also be less and less able to recognize good people. If you put too much trust in a matchmaker, you may lose the power to find the person you’re really looking for.
The importance of being proactive in dating
As I mentioned earlier, it’s important to meet a lot of people, whether it’s through a matchmaker or casual dating. It’s not until you’ve met a lot of people that you’ll be able to find the one you really want. You need to meet bad people, meet good people, and have a variety of experiences so that you can learn what your ideal person is really like and what to do when you meet them.
But what we shouldn’t forget is that dating is not a game of chance, it’s a process of connecting with each other. Even if a meeting through a matrimonial agency can be artificial, love cannot be. That’s why it can even lead to higher divorce rates.
The bottom line
It’s understandable if artificial matches through matchmakers are the norm in this day and age. However, love is between two people, and it’s no one else’s business. If you start a relationship based on criteria, you need to realize that you’re likely to end up breaking up because of it. We need to rethink whether or not we’re just trying to fulfill the requirements of our partner, rather than looking for true love.
