This article is about how I came to recognize my tendency to give too much to others and sacrifice myself as a downside. He realizes that he needs to live for himself in the future, based on his experience of being self-conscious about what others think of him, which has damaged his lifestyle and even his financial situation.
Everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses. You have a lot of good qualities, but you’ve also done some bad things. With the help of a friend, I recall my bad behavior. After a semester of school, I realized that my biggest flaw is giving everything to others. This is something I’ve been doing since I was a kid, but unlike my school days, this year was especially enlightening. Being nice to others is a trait that can be praised in the name of “caring,” but it’s also the trait that makes me look the ugliest.
First of all, I have a flaw that is not easily fixed, even though I think it’s my fault. This is my tendency to spend money on others rather than myself. This flaw has gotten worse, especially in college. I tend to pay for drinks out of the goodness of my heart, and I also buy a lot of birthday gifts and food for my friends. I don’t enjoy gaming and I’m not good at it, but I bought gaming consoles for friends who came to my dorm to hang out. If a friend I hadn’t seen in years asked to borrow money, I would lend it to them without any hesitation. Of course, these behaviors are understandable on the one hand, and I think they are necessary for social life to some extent. However, the main reason I see this behavior as a disadvantage is that it’s more than I can handle. Last year, after the SATs and before I was accepted to university, I had very little money left in my bank account. One day, I got a call from a middle school classmate asking me to borrow some money. It wasn’t a huge amount of money, but I didn’t even have that much money at the time. I had every reason to say no, but I said yes, so I borrowed money from some of my close friends and lent it to him. As I write this, I still haven’t gotten that money back.
My other flaw was that I cared about my friends even at the expense of my own lifestyle. When I entered university, I joined a music club. In this club, the relationship between seniors and juniors was strict, and the drinking was also strict. Especially during vacations, we practiced all day three times a week to prepare for concerts, and there was drinking every time. As a non-drinker, I was able to go home without causing any trouble, but there were always motivations to force myself to drink under the pressure of my seniors. I wanted to be a club representative, so I would drive my friends home at their request and then return to the bar. Of course, I enjoyed the atmosphere because of my positive personality, but it was hard on days when I was tired from practicing my instrument. Since I was still a freshman and not a club representative, I didn’t mind going home after the first round of drinks, but when my friend went to the second and third rounds of drinks, I would worry about him and follow him. As a result, my life pattern during the vacation was ruined. I would come home at 4 a.m. and suffer from a hangover the next day that would make me feel physically ill. In hindsight, these behaviors are foolish and regrettable.
Lastly, I’ve unintentionally burdened others with excessive kindness. This also happened in my university music club. As a club, we are relatively laid-back, except during vacations when we prepare for concerts. However, as a class representative, I used to practice at night and on weekends with my classmates who enjoyed practicing their instruments. Thinking that other students would like the instrument as much as I did, I would jokingly encourage my friends who neglected to practice to practice. One day, I heard that my joking remarks became a burden to my friend. That’s when I realized that as a representative of my class, not everyone thinks the same way as me. I also learned that I shouldn’t impose on my friends who have different ideas, even in jest.
The underlying reason for the aforementioned disadvantages of spending money and sacrificing my lifestyle to care about other friends is that I am very conscious of what others think of me. I think I was trying to make a good impression on others by being a good friend, a good club representative, and a good student, and sometimes I would rationalize it by telling myself that I was “okay” even though I was struggling. It’s a human instinct to want to look good to others, but I let my own priorities take a back seat.
But with a small change of mindset, my shortcomings can be fixed. It’s about taking the time to reflect on yourself and make time for yourself. Living a life for me, not for others, maybe that’s why I’ve been trying so hard to be a good person, caring about what others think. Looking back, I realize that it is only because of me that I have such good friends and fun clubs around me now. I believe that I will continue to grow more mature as I learn and adapt to new things.
