Fear of failure and regret can cause us to hesitate at every choice we make, but these experiences are an important part of our growth. By overcoming the difficulties of choice and moving forward, we can create a better future.
Since I was a child, I enjoy getting lost in thought, which is why I like to walk with my eyes on the ground. The long road is the road of my thoughts. The longer the road, the deeper my thoughts become. But I don’t enjoy it now. I have to look at the sky, and I have to look at my surroundings. As my gaze is distracted, my thoughts become dizzy. My mind cannot continue and my enjoyment cannot continue. But my surroundings tell me that I should. I need to see many things. I know it, and so I feel a pressure that was not there before. It is slowly tightening, urging me on. But I’m not moving forward. I’m putting off the choice.
Choice. The dictionary defines selection as “the act of picking out what is needed from a number of things,” “the act of being conscious of several means of solving a problem and selecting one among them,” and “the principle of survival of the fittest, whereby only those organisms that are adapted to the environment or conditions survive and those that are not die off. Right. I’m already familiar with these definitions. But no. This is not what I’m looking for. I’m not looking for an answer to the question of what is. I want to know what choices to make and how to make them. So I ask around for help, but all I get back are new options. They leave me confused once again. The fact that everyone is right makes it even harder.
I try to be bold. I move forward with my own convictions. I felt liberated and exhilarated. I give myself a pat on the back for all the hard work I’ve done, but only for a moment. Regardless of the outcome of my choices, good or bad, I feel regret. It’s just a matter of strength and weakness. The hard part is that I only remember the regret after the choice. I forget the good quickly and hold onto the bad for a long time. And we are sensitive to it, which is why we hesitate to make a choice about the problem in front of us. You’re afraid: “I’ll be disappointed again,” you think.
You are young. You have people around you to comfort you. You have many opportunities. They give me advice. Is it really so? Am I young? I ask myself. It seems to be true. Objectively, I’m still young, and I have a lot of opportunities. But can I go back? Can I choose again? It’s hard. Being young and having so many opportunities doesn’t make it easy for me to choose again. The bridge I crossed is already dilapidated when I look back. It needs repair to get back on it. It takes effort or risk. I need to get rid of fear. I can’t do it now. I always look back with regret, but I quickly look away. I don’t have the strength to look back. I want to, but I’m afraid, and I try to forget what’s behind me by looking ahead. Right now, I am just an old man who wants to be young.
I open the book, where various problems are waiting for me. And time is shrinking. Time forces me to make a choice. But there is no right answer. Or all of them. As I wrap my head around the difficulty, my mind tempts me to give up. But I already know the consequences of giving up. The problem disappears. The choices are gone, and the back of the book is blank. The empty space makes me pessimistic. It makes me hate myself. So I have to choose. It’s hard, but I have to. I take another look, but I’m still stumped. I don’t know what the consequences of my choice will be or what new problems it will create, so I am still stuck in the face of so many difficult choices.
In the midst of this confusion, I sometimes ask myself. Perhaps it’s because fear and anxiety are deeply ingrained in me. Fear of failure, and the regret and disappointment that comes with it, weighs me down. But when I think about this, I suddenly remember the choices I’ve made in the past. I was just as hesitant and afraid then as I am now, but in the end, those choices led me to this point, and I learned and grew a lot. Even though they left me with regrets, they made me who I am today.
This gives me hope that my current confusion and fear will one day become a meaningful experience. Choices are always difficult, but they are what make us grow and develop. I take another step forward, trusting that even though I may feel anxious and confused now, I will one day be able to look back on these moments and laugh. The moments of choice will continue to come, but I will be strengthened by them. After all, choices are what make up our lives, and it is through them that we discover ourselves and build a better future.
