The proliferation of social networking services is causing people to feel lonely even as they disclose personal information, suggesting that structural changes in modern society require efforts to form deep human connections.
The proliferation of social networking services (SNS) has changed the concept of privacy, which used to mean freedom of personal life, and has also changed people’s perception of personal information management and protection. On the one hand, people are afraid of leaking their personal information, but on the other hand, they are actively disclosing their private lives through SNS. If people used to provide personal information to service providers simply to use internet services, today they are sharing their “when,” “where,” and “what” with the world through SNS such as Facebook and Twitter. I believe it’s because people today feel “lonely in a crowd”.
In our increasingly individualized and molecularized society, people often say they feel “lonely in a crowd”. Despite the loneliness and depression they feel inside, they try to force themselves to smile, regardless of how they feel, in order to look good to those who have a stake in their lives. According to American sociologist David Lismann, modern people’s “loneliness in the crowd” is caused by the fact that they are constantly conscious of their surroundings in order to avoid falling out of social ranks.
In this regard, we need to look at the structural changes in modern society. In the past, communities were strongly local and family-oriented, and people naturally felt a sense of belonging. However, urbanization and informationization have led to the breakdown of these traditional communities. People are now connected through networks regardless of physical distance, but these connections are often superficial and temporary. Social media emerged as a tool to combat this modern alienation, but it can actually lead to deeper loneliness.
The conflict between outward sociability and inward loneliness is what makes modern people feel lonely all the time. The social nature of people who are frustrated and tormented by their inner isolation, in contrast to their outward sociability, is manifested as “loneliness in a crowd”. Modern people’s anxiety about inner emptiness and loneliness manifests itself in desperate attempts to avoid isolation in society, and they end up trying to present themselves to others.
But trying to make ourselves look better to others doesn’t solve the underlying cause of our loneliness. In fact, the harder you try to package yourself, the more you’ll feel the bitter taste of loneliness. Despite being surrounded by so many people, the emptiness that remains unfulfilled is painful. For people who are tired of this mental anguish, social networking services are very attractive. They can escape from the people in their daily lives whom they can’t reveal their true feelings to, and create new relationships with people who share similar interests and tastes to their own, which can alleviate their loneliness. For people who feel lonely in a crowd, social media is like a circle of friends sent down from heaven, and their social needs are manifested in their efforts to build new communities with people who share similar interests and tastes. By forming a community with others with similar interests and tastes through SNS, people are trying to solve the loneliness they feel and fulfill their social needs.
To find the right community for you, you need to reveal information about your daily life, tastes, and interests, because without information about yourself, you can’t find each other. What you’re interested in, what activities you like to do, and even the details of your daily life, such as when, where, and what you’re doing, can help you attract people with similar interests. In other words, you need to disclose information about your daily life in order to gather people with similar personalities and form a kind of community on SNS such as Facebook and Twitter.
The development of smartphones and wired and wireless communication technologies has made it possible to access the Internet network anytime, anywhere. People have been able to arm themselves with the reassurance that they are part of a community on social media at every moment, fighting the beast of loneliness that greedily opens its mouth inside. But increasingly, people are realizing that they can’t attract people without revealing more of their personal lives on social media – more personal, more provocative. The information they’ve already made public, such as what movies they like to watch or what their favorite sports are, isn’t enough to engage the community, and they gradually develop anxiety about being left behind and isolated from the herd. To avoid being left out, they become more open about their private lives and daily routines. From the moment they leave the house to the moment they return from work and go to bed, they reveal their every move. In extreme cases, even when they are meeting and talking to other people in society, they are semi-forced to report to the social media community.
Because you’re exposing your private life to the public, you feel like you’re being judged by more people than you are in your social life. In order to be judged favorably by others, we always show only the best photos, only the glamorous side of ourselves, and only the side we want to show. In order not to be left out of the social networking community, they are constantly conscious of their surroundings. In the end, socializing on social media is not much different from socializing in real life. It’s just that the audience has shifted from friends to an online audience, and we’ve become more open about our personal lives. The “loneliness in the crowd” they felt in modern society is also repeated on social media. Trying to soothe the emptiness and loneliness through social media is like pouring water on the poison.
How can we reverse this situation? In the end, to truly feel a sense of belonging, we need to make efforts to form deeper human connections regardless of physical distance. It’s important to spend time talking to people face-to-face, even if it’s on social media, in order to make more authentic and meaningful connections, not just superficial ones. It’s also important to accept yourself as you are, rather than trying to make yourself up, and to surround yourself with people who can truly understand your inner loneliness.
Our anxiety is like this. The desire to always be part of the crowd, and the fear of being alone and in solitude. No matter how many people we are connected to through social networks, in the end, we will still feel lonely and the void will not be filled. Trying to put yourself out there on social media will only entangle you. Even if you’re afraid of the loneliness of being alone in the theater after the crowd has left, an actor must step off the stage when the show is over. No matter how hard you try to hold on to the audience, there will always be nights when you’re alone. You need to get off the stage and go home to your family and friends who love you just the way you are. But even today, the voyage of those who suffer from loneliness does not stop, as they search for people who will support them. With the illusion that they will eventually be able to fill the emptiness in their hearts.
